Alaska
by insertsnarkhere
Summary: Bobby and Rogue are engaged, so why the angst? Complete and utter AU.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Bobby and Rogue are engaged, so why the angst? Complete and utter AU.

Disclaimer: Property of Marvel and Fox and Stan Lee and blah blah blah...

--

Chapter 1

He's been gone for six months, she thinks to herself, making another "x" on the calendar she's hidden in her desk.

"Rogue?"

She hurriedly stuffs the calendar back into the drawer as she hears Bobby on the other side of the door.

"Rogue? Are you in there?"

"Just a second!"

She knows that Bobby won't enter without permission – he's just that type of guy. She goes into the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. It doesn't help; her eyes are still red and swollen.

"Rogue?"

"I'm coming!"

She opens the door and Bobby looks at her funny.

"Were you sleeping?"

"Um….yeah….I was just taking a quick nap…." It was a lame answer but better that than telling him the truth.

He gives her another look – one she can't interpret – but he doesn't push it further. "I just came by to give you these."

He hands her some maps and a guidebook.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

"Have a good trip, okay?"

"Yeah…."

He's silent for a moment. "Jubilee and Kitty are excited to be going."

"I'm still not sure how Logan's feeling about going with the three of us though."

He gives her a lopsided grin and says, "Well, maybe he'll wear his seatbelt if all three of you pester him."

She just gives him a small smile.

He shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other; he wants to say something more. Then he blurts out, "It's going to be fine."

"What?"

"It's going to be fine," he says again. "Storm and Jean don't mind taking over the preparations and I've already spoken with a priest and Jubilee gave me some names for the band and…."

"Bobby….I know. I know," she says, interrupting his ramble. She takes his hand and gives him a reassuring squeeze. At least she hopes it's reassuring. "I know it'll be perfect. I just….I just need to spend some time with my friends before we…."

She can't finish that sentence and can't look at Bobby anymore.

He waits for her to finish but knows that she won't, for reasons he didn't want to think about. So he just says, "Have fun in Alaska."

--

"I don't know how you convinced me to come on this vacation from hell. And if that little mall rat says one more thing about government seatbelt regulations, I swear to God, I'm leaving her at the next rest stop."

Rogue giggles while Logan angrily chomps on his unlit cigar. They're standing outside of a giftshop filled with tacky Niagara Falls memorabilia. The owner apparently more concerned about Logan's manhandling of the products than actually making a sale.

"She's only concerned about your well-being, you know."

"Oh, God, not you too…."

She laughs and he just gives her a disgruntled look. But it's not long before he's laughing too.

"It's been a while since you've done that."

"Done what?"

"Laugh. You haven't really done that since….."

"Don't say it, Logan."

He sighs loudly, putting the unlit cigar back in his pocket. He watches from the corner of his eye as Rogue's smile disappears and her lips begin to tighten.

"It's been…..what?"

"Six months," she says quietly, fiddling with the tips of her gloves.

"It's not healthy, you know. Not talking about it."

"Look who's talking. Mr Conversationalist here."

"Marie…."

Now it's her turn to sigh loudly. She hates it when he used that tone.

"Really, Logan, there's nothing to talk about."

"Nothing to talk about, eh? That why you've been pestering the Professor to find him? That why I've been hearing you cry in your room at night?"

She refuses to say anything or even to look at him.

"Look, Marie…."

"Hey, guys, look! Have you seen anything more hilarious?"

Jubilee comes up to them, holding a snowglobe in her hand. She stops short when she sees the serious looks on their faces.

"Something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Rogue says quickly, plastering a fake smile on her face. "Is Kitty coming?"

"Um, yeah, she's just paying for some postcards…."

"Oh, I want to get some postcards too." Rogue leaves in a rush before Logan can stop her.

"Is she okay?"

Logan sighs again. "I don't know. Listen, has she been talking to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, since the engagement….she's been acting…."

"Weird?"

"Well, yeah…. Has she said anything to you?"

"Not really. I mean, I haven't really pushed her about it but there's something definitely wrong." She pauses for a moment before continuing, "She doesn't act like a woman about to get married."

"What?"

"I mean, I don't know how you're suppose to act considering no one's asked me to marry them – _yet_ – but she doesn't seem like the normal blushing bride, you know?"

Logan just shakes his head, still not following.

"She let Bobby choose the floral arrangements. She let Storm pick out a table setting. Hell, Kitty and I had to drag her to her dress fittings. Sometimes I think she doesn't really want to get married."

Logan doesn't say anything.

"Kitty thinks it has something to do with John."

Logan gives her a sharp look. "Is that what you think too?"

"I don't know…. But ever since he left….she's been….different."

"Yeah…."

--

They stop for the night at the first decent looking motel. Logan refuses to share a room with the three girls, saying something about not wanting to be emotionally scarred by Jubilee's 'beauty ritual.'

Rogue lies on the couch, drawing the short straw this time, while Jubilee and Kitty share the queen-size bed. She hears Jubilee snoring softly and Kitty muttering something about flying monkeys in her sleep.

Rogue closes her eyes and tries to sleep but ends up just thinking about him and the days leading up to his departure from the school….and her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

She can't believe that they made it. They were actually in Alaska.

Who would have thought that when she made those plans all those years ago in her bedroom in Mississippi, she would actually accomplish it.

She laughs as she kicks up some snow.

They were staying in a small town outside of Anchorage, on their way to Denali. Logan insisted on stopping here, saying something about a restaurant they all needed to visit because it was the only place in his book that can make a decent burger.

Rogue left them at the restaurant, deciding to go for a walk by herself. And she really didn't want to get in the middle of another Jubilee versus Wolverine war of words again. Let Kitty deal with them for once.

She heads toward the park she saw on their way into the town.

She wanders around, inhaling the brisk cold air, thinking to herself that she never imagined that air could be this clean. She hears a dog bark in the background.

She turns around and sees a German shepherd pawing through the snow, looking like it just hit the mother lode.

The dog keeps digging for a little while more, then barks again at someone coming around the corner, hidden briefly by the trees.

When she sees who it is, she can't believe her eyes. She has to rub them to make sure she's not hallucinating.

She looks again but he's still there. He's crouching down and scratching the dog behind its ear. She rubs her eyes again.

She thinks she must be going crazy. Of all the places she thought she would find him, the last place she would think to look was here. He hates freezing temperatures. He hates snow. He hates ice. What the fuck is he doing here?

But she already has the answer her own question. He knew that this would be the last place she would look for him. He didn't want to be found. He didn't want her to find him.

She wants to turn around again and walk away. Pretend that just seeing him and knowing that he was all right would be enough.

But it's not. She wants to know why. What possible reason he could have had to just abruptly leave her, leave everything behind literally, taking just the clothes on his back and his lighter and walking out.

She slowly makes her way toward him. She gets closer and closer. She starts to notice things: his hair is longer, he looks like he hasn't shaved in a while, his clothes are better quality than he used to wear, but his eyes are still the same shade of blue she remembers.

She watches as he starts leashing the dog, not realizing that she was standing in front of him.

He straightens, holding the leash in his hand. He looks up and sees her.

He looks surprised and wonders briefly how she found him.

They just stare at each other, not knowing what to say. The dog whines, feeling the tension in the air, and paws at his jacket. He looks down briefly and lays a hand on top of the dog's head in some kind gesture of reassurance.

He looks back at her and he feels uncomfortable under her stare and silence. He sheepishly scratches the back of his head and says, "Hey. Long time, no see, huh?"

She slaps him. Hard.

She watches as he gingerly touches his redden cheek and his lips curl into that familiar sneer. "Well, I hate to end this wonderful reunion but I have to go now."

He tugs at the leash and the dog follows obediently. Before he can pass her though, she grabs him by the arm and stops him.

"Oh no, you're not getting away that easily again, John Allerdyce."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Please note the rating change. Nothing too graphic, just wanted to be safe.

--

Chapter 3

_Six Months Ago..._

_Thursday_

"Are you going to mope in here all night?"

"I'm not moping..."

"Oh, excuse me, I guess you want to call it 'contemplative brooding' then?"

Rogue sighs. She had just spent the past two hours lying on her stomach in John's bed, doing absolutely nothing but watch him sit next to her and flick open and close his lighter. Bobby had left to go back to Boston for a week. A family reunion, he said.

"I'm not brooding either."

"Fine."

"I'm not! I'm just...bored."

They're both silent for a while, the only noise in the room is the clicking from John's lighter.

"That's it. You need to get out of this room. Come on. Get up."

"Why?" she whines, burrowing herself further into the sheets and mattress.

"You said you were bored. We're gonna do something."

"What?"

"I don't know. It's Thursday night. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

John taps his finger on his chin for a second, thinking. "I know Logan stashes some beer in his room."

"We're not going to steal his beer."

"Come on! He's gone for the weekend, doing God knows what, and don't think of it as 'stealing,' per se, think of it as doing him a favor."

"I doubt he'll see it that way."

"Well, he's not technically suppose to have beer here anyways so..."

"We're doing him a favor."

"Exactly. And besides, it'll loosen you up."

"John Allerdyce, are you trying to seduce me with beer? How romantic."

"Oh, Roguey, if I wanted to seduce you, I would at least buy you dinner first. Now come on."

He stands up and holds out his hand for her. She doesn't hesitate in taking it.

--

"Do I want to know?" she asks, watching as John picks the lock to Logan's room.

"Just something I learned from this guy... There!" He opens the door with a flourish and says, "Ladies first."

Rogue just gives him a look and walks into the room. "How do you even know where he hides it?"

"I doubt the guy likes his beer warm," John says and points to the mini-fridge next to the bed.

Rogue just shakes her head as John opens the fridge and takes out the two bottled six-packs.

"You're gonna steal his entire stash?"

"Even if we only steal one, I think he's going to notice. Besides, you can't get good and pissed with just one beer. Here, you hold it."

"What are you doing?"

"Just checking something out." She watches as he rifles through the stuff Logan has on his bedstand. He holds up a Playboy and says, "Look, Roguey, he does like girls!"

She just scrunches up her face. She has enough mental images of Logan with other women, she doesn't need anymore.

"Hey, look at this. Beer isn't the only thing he's been hording."

She peers over and gasps at the enormous amount of boxes of condoms in the drawer. "How many does one guy need? Jesus."

"Apparently, not enough." He picks up one of the boxes and reads the label. "Durex Chocolate Passion Condoms feature a sinfully chocolate taste and flavor... You know, Roguey, I'm starting to like this guy more and more every day."

"Why are you taking that box?"

He only smirks and says, "Gonna make some balloon animals for you later."

--

They sneak out of the mansion with their stolen goods and head toward the lake.

"Will you stop giggling? Christ, it's like you're already drunk."

"Sorry," she says, biting her lip. She's trying hard not to laugh again when he looked so serious. But it's the first time she's ever seen him concentrate so hard on anything besides his lighter. She can't hold back any longer, the giggles burst out again.

"That's it. Do you want to get caught?"

"No," she says, between laughs. "It's just...it's just...you look so..."

She just continues to laugh while he gives her the patented John Allerdyce are-you-seriously-insane look.

"Are you done?"

"Sorry," she says contritely.

He doesn't say anything more. He just starts walking again and she follows.

When they finally reach the lake, they sit at their usual spot under the old oak tree. He takes off his jacket and spreads it on the grass for them to sit on. He takes the bottles from Rogue's arms and set them next to him.

"Do we need a bottle opener?"

"They're twist-offs, genius."

"No need for the sarcasm, Johnny-boy. This is my first beer, you know."

He only smirks at her and hands her a bottle. She watches as he easily twists off the cap and swigs the beer down his throat.

"I take it you've had beer before."

"Damn, your IQ is going through the roof right now."

She just huffs at him and tries to open her bottle but it's difficult with her gloves on. She takes them off and tries again.

"Here, let me do that." He takes her hands off the bottle and twists off the cap for her. He watches as she takes a big gulp. He laughs when she chokes on the harsh taste.

"So...this is beer," she says with a grimace. "Interesting flavor."

He just smirks at her and leans back against the tree.

"So it worked," he says.

"What?"

"Those sessions with the Professor. It worked."

She's silent. She knows what he's referring to. He's only one of two people who she told.

"How long can you control it?"

"Now? Completely."

"Why haven't you told him then?"

She sighs. She doesn't know. She wants to think it's because there was never a good time to tell him, but in reality, she really doesn't know why she never told Bobby that she's been working to control her mutation.

"He's been asking me questions about what you've been doing in the Professor's office. I don't think he's buying my excuses any more."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I know you've been wanting this for a long time."

She smiles, watching him as he takes another sip of his beer.

--

"We should head back," she says. She pauses for a moment. "Did I just say that out loud?"

He just chuckles. "I think we need to cut you off now."

"I'm not drunk!"

"Of course not. You only drank nine of the twelve bottles we brought out here. That wouldn't get anybody drunk. Especially not somebody who never drank alcohol before in their life."

"Shut up." She tries to get up, pushing her hands against his chest, but she only manages to sway a little bit before ungraciously plopping back down on her ass. She tries again with the same results. She gives up and instead snuggles closer to John and his warmth.

"Decided against storming out of here, huh?"

"Didn't I just say to shut up?"

"Yes, ma'am."

They're both quiet. He holds her a bit closer when he feels her shiver. She sighs contentedly, burying her face on the side of his neck, thinking that he smells nice. She watches as he unconsciously licks his lips. She shivers again.

"Are you cold? Maybe we should go back."

"No, not yet..." She sits up and stares at him. He waits, thinking that she's about to say something more. But instead she leans forward and kisses him.

She means for it to be just a quick kiss, just something to thank him for keeping her company tonight like he did a lot of nights, for keeping her secret, for always being there for her.

"Rogue...what are you..."

"Shhh...I want to try something..."

She shifts against him and straddles his lap. He watches her, letting her hand roam over his face. She traces the arch of his eyebrows, the curve his cheek and his jaw, she reaches his lips and gently rubs against them with her fingertips.

"Rogue..."

She doesn't want to hear what he's going to say. She knows he'll try to stop this, to make her see reason. But she doesn't want to be reasonable right now. She's never felt this way before. So exhilarated. So alive.

She grabs a fistful of his shirt and pulls him toward her, she wants to kiss him again before he can say anything more.

She feels his tongue skimming her bottom lip, seeking entrance. She obliges and hears him groan before he invades her mouth completely. It's not long before she tangles her hands into his hair, twisting her hips, trying to get closer to him.

She feels his hands under her shirt, sliding up her back. His hands are rough and calloused; how they got that way, she doesn't know. All she knows is that she loves the sensation of them against her skin. It becomes apparent to her that she wants him to touch her -- everywhere.

Consequences be damned.

--

_Friday_

She manages to pry open her eyelids and realizes she's lying on the grass, under the oak tree, near the lake, curled up next to John Allerdyce.

She peers around her and sees his t-shirt dangling from one of the tree limbs, she thinks she sees one her socks in the lake. There's condom wrappings and empty beer bottles strewn about.

She closes her eyes, thinking she must be dreaming. This can't be happening, she mentally chants to herself. This can't be happening. Then she starts to remember. Lying on John's bed. The stolen beer. Not to mention the box of condoms. Getting drunk. The kiss. His hands on her back.

"Rogue?"

Oh, God, he's awake, she thinks. What the hell do I say to him? Thanks for the alcohol-induced sex, gotta go now? Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Rogue, listen..."

She interrupts him. "We were both drunk. It was a mistake. Let's not talk about it, okay?"

He's silent for a moment, watching her get up and pick up her clothes. He sighs and starts looking for his own.

--

They make it back to the mansion without anyone seeing them -- it's still too early for anyone to be awake -- leaving no trace of evidence of their presence behind. They part ways without a word.

They studiously avoid each other like the plague throughout the day.

"What the hell is going on?" Jubilee asks, sliding into the chair next to Rogue's.

"What?"

"You and John. What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing? You guys hang out all the time and now today, all of a sudden, it's like you don't know each other."

"Really, Jubes, it's nothing. We just...we...uh..."

"What?"

She is saved from answering when Scott enters the room. She sees John slide into the classroom after him. He sits near the door and as far away from her as possible. For some reason, that makes her want to cry.

--

She makes it through the day. She manages not to see him -- too much -- and not talk to him -- at all.

This was what I wanted, right? she thinks. Pretend like it didn't happen. No one knew what we did.

So what was the problem?

She sighs, glancing around her room. She needed to stop thinking about it. She picks up a book and tries to read but ends up just throwing the book back on the floor. She thinks about going over the Jubilee's room but then realizes her friend was having her usual end-of-the-week-gossip-fest with Kitty and Siryn; she definitely did NOT want to be a part of that right now. She paces her room, nervously chewing her fingers.

She has to get out of her room. Just the sight of her bed was bringing too many mental possibilities.

She decides to get something to eat. She heads toward the kitchen. The rest of the mansion is quiet except for the occasional music coming out of the some rooms and the TV blaring in the rec room.

She reaches the kitchen and peers into the refrigerator. Water. Soda. Milk. Orange Juice. Cold cuts. Apples. String cheese. Chocolate cake. Cheesecake. Carrot cake. Why are there so many cakes in the fridge? she wonders, reaching for a bottle of water. She takes a sip, eyeing the carrot cake.

"Hey."

She turns around so quickly, she spills some water on her nightgown. Her clumsy attempts to dry herself only making things worse.

He tears off a paper towel from the roll on the counter and hands it to her.

"Thanks," she says quietly, avoiding his eyes. "Well...um...I...I better go..."

I just need to put one foot in front of the other, she thinks. Don't look at him, hold your breath so you can't smell him, give him a wide berth... That's it, Rogue, you just need to get through the doorway. You can make it.

Even while she gives this lecture to herself, she can't help but take a peek at him. And when she finally raises her eyes to his, she does the stupidest thing ever.

She trips.

"Whoa, you okay?" he says, catching her before she falls. She can't answer; all she can think about is that he's touching her and his touch sends delicious tingles up and down her spine. It's too much. She lets the images of last night -- the ones that she had been suppressing so hard all day -- flood her and she remembers. How he caressed her body. How he moved against her. How he felt inside of her. How good he felt.

Maybe if she gives in one more time, just one more time, she'll be able to move on and not have this constant burning sensation inside of her. He was already becoming too much of an addiction.

She realizes then just how close their faces are to each other. She looks at him, his eyes are dark and his lips are parted slightly, his breathing becoming as ragged as hers. She watches as he licks his lips.

She leans closer to him and then everything becomes a blur.

She remembers wrapping herself around him. She remembers being carried back to her room. She remembers tearing his shirt off him and running her hands over his chest. She remembers him feeling so hot.

God, he was so hot.

--

"We don't tell anybody about this."

"What?"

"We don't tell anybody, all right?"

He pauses and just stares at her for a moment. He really can't believe they're having this conversation while he's lying on top of her, in her bed, his hands grasping her hips against him.

"We don't tell anyone," she says again, more firmly. "When Bobby comes back, this never happened."

He's silent as he continues to stare at her, not knowing what she could possibly be thinking about when she's saying these things to him.

"Fine," he manages to spit out.

--

_Saturday_

"You know, you're gonna have to be more quiet if you want no one to find out about this," he pants into her ear.

She smiles lazily as she traces patterns over his sweat-slick back. "You like it so don't complain."

He lifts his head to look at her and grins.

She giggles and pulls him back down again.

--

She's lightly tracing his cheekbone while he sleeps. She never thought she would love watching him sleep, he looks even more boyish, calm and relaxed.

But he snores. Loudly.

She bites her lip to keep herself from laughing. She doesn't want to wake him just yet.

She'll give him ten more minutes and then she'll wake him the way she knows he likes it.

--

_Sunday_

They're lying on her bed, the sun just peeking through her curtains.

He watches as she runs her hands over his shoulders, down his arms, and then reaches for his hands. She laces her fingers though his and squeezes them. She takes his hands and presses them against her lips.

She puts his arms around her. She sighs as his arms tighten and his scent surrounds her.

--

She smooths back the brown locks that has fallen over his face. He smiles and lies back against her pillows, knowing that for some reason, she seemed to have some kind of weird fascination with his hair and loves to run her fingers through it.

She leans forward to kiss the corner of his mouth. As their lips meet, she hears her stomach rumble in protest. He chuckles against her mouth.

"I guess we should go get something eat then?"

She's about to deny that she's hungry when her stomach rumbles again, even louder this time. She looks at him, biting her bottom lip. "Sorry, but it has been a while since we last ate anything."

"We were gonna have to leave this room some time."

She suddenly looks serious and he gets uncomfortable. He looks for his clothes.

She watches from the bed as he gathers up his clothes -- his boxers, his track pants, his half-torn shirt. He puts them on one by one and still she hasn't moved or said anything.

"Rogue..."

She suddenly remembers. She heads toward her dresser, pulling her nightgown over her head. She starts sorting through her drawers, searching for something. Then she pulls out a t-shirt and hands it to him.

"What the..."

"You gave it to me to wear that weekend...remember?"

He smiles at the memory.

"I was going to return it but..." She tries to come up with an excuse but has none. She wanted to keep the shirt but he needed something to wear.

"Thanks."

They stare at each other for a moment. He tries to say something funny to break the uncomfortable silence but there's really nothing funny to say. And he's trying hard not notice how that nightgown clung to her curves.

"Meet me in the dining hall," she says suddenly.

"What?"

"Meet me in the dining hall. In about an hour?"

"Listen, I don't need you to..."

"I want to talk to you...about us. But I can't right now when you're still standing here in my room with your disheveled hair and pouty lips and all I can think about is how much I want you again..."

He flashes her a grin, thinking to himself, pouty lips? Wasn't I suppose to say things like that to her?

"Meet me in the dining hall?" she asks again.

"All right."

She opens the door for him, taking a quick peek into the hallway just to make sure no one was around. He's about to leave when he snakes an arm around her waist and pulls her close for a kiss. When they finally manage to break apart, he only grins at her flushed face and says, "Couldn't resist."

--

When she arrives at the dining hall, she thought it would be empty. It was already half-past seven and the room was full of people still eating dinner.

She looks around and sees that John hasn't arrived yet.

"Rogue! Over here!"

She sees Jubilee waving madly at her. She wanted to pretend she didn't see her friend but then she sees Kitty waving at her too. She sighs and heads over to their table.

"Where the hell have you been all weekend? And why are you walking funny? Did you pull a muscle or something?"

Rogue blushes furiously. "I'm not walking funny. This is my normal walk."

Jubilee gives her a doubtful look. "Seriously, where have you been? Siryn gave us some very juicy gossip on Friday. You totally missed it."

"I was...busy."

"Doing what?"

"I was..."

"Rogue!"

She sighs in relief at the interruption. But when she turns around to see who was calling her, it was the last person she wanted to see.

"Bobby! What are you doing here? I thought you were spending the week in Boston."

"I was. But I had to come back. I had to tell you something."

She laughs nervously. "You came all the way back just to tell me something?"

"I wanted to tell you, I lied to you."

"What?"

"I lied to you. I didn't go back for a family reunion. I went back to ask my mom for something. Something that I wanted to give you for a very long time."

He opens up a small velvet box and shows her the ring that's inside. He's kneeling in front of her, in front of everyone in the dining hall now, taking her gloved hand into his.

"It used to belong to my grandmother. She gave it to my mother when she got married." He pauses for a moment and looks at her. "And now I want to give it to you. Rogue...will you marry me?"

Her eyes widen. This was the last thing she had expected from him. She suddenly feels trapped and all she wants to do is get out. Get away from Bobby and his grandmother's ring and everything it represented. She wants to go find John...

But then she remembers that they're not alone. Literally, the entire school was watching. She doesn't want to hurt Bobby or humiliate him. And he looks so hopeful, holding out the ring to her.

Oh God, why was this happening? Why did this have to happen now? Why couldn't he have asked a week ago when she seemed so sure about her feelings for him?

"Rogue?"

She can't delay this any longer. She knows that she doesn't have it in her to break his heart. Not now. Not like this. Not in front of everyone.

"Yes," she whispers.

She watches as his whole face breaks out into a smile. He pulls her into his arms. She stiffens slightly but he doesn't notice. She closes her eyes for a brief moment, hoping that she'll at least be able to talk to John before he finds out. But when she opens her eyes again, she sees him entering the dining hall.

When he notices her and who was holding her, he stops in his tracks.

"Congratulations to our newly engaged couple!" Scott says.

She knows that John heard him. She watches as his face turns completely blank. She watches as he moves toward them -- he's wearing a different shirt now, she notices, his hair slick from the shower he must have taken before coming downstairs.

He holds out a hand for Bobby, plastering a smile on his face. "Congratulations."

Bobby takes it and just grins goofily. "Thanks."

He turns to Rogue, the fake smile still on his face. He kisses her cheek and whispers so only she can hear him. "Be happy."

An hour later, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_"Oh no, you're not getting away that easily again, John Allerdyce."_

She stares at him, defiantly, daring him to try something.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"An explanation for starters."

"For what?"

"Are you serious? You don't think I deserve some kind of explanation for what you did?"

"Why don't you spell it out for me?"

"You broke my heart!"

"Yeah? Well, guess what, Rogue? You broke mine!" He pauses for a split second before continuing on. "That first time, under the oak tree, maybe we did drink too much and got carried away. But then after that... You sent me some pretty fucked up signals, what the hell was I suppose to think? You want to fuck, but you have to remind me that when Bobby comes back, I'm suppose to pretend I never even fucking touched you. Then we spend the better part of that weekend fucking like a bunch fucking rabbits. Then I'm about to leave, fully fucking prepared to fucking honor your stupid fucking request to forget about what happened between us, and then you tell me you want to talk. I think maybe I have some kind of chance, maybe you'll choose me this time, but of course not. I have to admit, Bobby has impeccable timing. He knew just when to come back, didn't he?"

She stares at him, completely speechless.

The dog starts to whine again, nudging John by its nose.

"I have to go. Nice seeing you again," he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He passes by her, she doesn't even try to stop him again, still stunned by his reply.

She snaps out her daze after realizing he was no longer standing in front of her and hurries after him.

"John! Wait!" She's running now, trying to catch up, but she thinks that he's only picking up his pace, trying to lose her. "John! Please! Just wait!"

He only stops when the dog suddenly halts, distracted by something in a tree. He tries tugging the dog along but the dog won't budge -- whatever was in that tree, she wants to thank it.

She catches up to him and grabs his arm again. He stiffens.

"John..."

"How the hell did you know I was even here?"

"I didn't."

He doesn't believe her.

"I didn't know. The Professor...I asked him to...to find you but he refused. He told me that if you wanted to be found, you would let them know where you were."

"Then why are you here?"

"On vacation…."

"Why in the hell would you want to come to Alaska for a vacation? And in the middle of winter, no less."

She shrugs. "It was something I always wanted to do."

"You came with somebody?" he asks, almost dreading the answer.

"It's just me, Jubilee, Kitty, and Logan." He looks at her sharply when she says the last name but looks away quickly, his gaze turning back to his dog.

They're silent for a moment. She watches him unleash the dog again when it becomes obvious that it wants to chase after whatever was in that tree.

"Why did you leave?" she asks quietly.

He sighs heavily, running his hand through his hair. "I couldn't stay, Rogue."

"You left without even giving me a chance to explain."

"What was there to explain? You made it pretty fucking clear that when Bobby came back, it would be like nothing ever happened. And I think your engagement also made it obvious who your choice was."

She starts wringing her hands. "I didn't want you to go."

"You wanted me to stay so I can watch you get married, is that it?"

"That's not what I meant! I...I didn't mean those things I said to you. Before we...fucked," she ends lamely. She didn't want to call what they did that word, she wanted to call it something beautiful and wondrous and magical. But she felt that he probably didn't see it that way. At least, not anymore. "I...I didn't want to hurt Bobby."

"Whatever." He starts shuffling his feet, kicking some snow. He watches as his dog paws at the tree, barking.

"How did you end up here?"

"Someone told me about this place."

She looks at him, incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"After I left….that night….I hitchhiked to the city. I thought I had enough money to at least get a train ticket but turns out, all I had was ten dollars and my lighter. I wandered around a bit, stole a couple of wallets. I was about to pinch this guy's money clip when he found me."

"Who?"

He just shakes his head. "Doesn't matter who. He found me and told me to stop being stupid. He wanted me to come back but I just told him I couldn't. I had to get away for awhile... He just gave me this look. Then he hands me a couple of hundreds and pulls out a piece of paper with an address on it. He tells me to go there, that they'll take care of me."

"Did they?"

"Yeah. Let me live with them, fed me, bought me some clothes, even got me a job."

"You have a job?"

He chuckles. "Yeah, I have a job."

"What is it?"

"I'm writing for the newspaper here, if you can believe it. Mostly filler articles like those fucking human interest stories we used to make fun of. But I've only been there for a couple of months so I guess I have to do the grunt work before I get to go chasing the 'big' stories."

She smiles at him. "You like it here."

He looks at her, a little surprised at her statement. He thinks about it for a moment and has to agree. "Yeah, I do." He pauses before saying with a grin, "Except for the crappy weather."

She laughs.

"When did you get the dog?"

"Annie."

"What?"

"Her name's Annie. And I didn't exactly get her...she sort of choose me."

She looks at him curiously.

"She followed me for days. From home to work, from work to home. I finally I took her in when there was this huge snowstorm and gave her something to eat and that was it."

"She must like you."

"Either that or she's just a crazy dog to put up with all my crap."

They watch as Annie starts chasing her own tail.

"She's crazy," they say at the same time. They look at each other and laugh.

When she sees that his gaze is turned back to Annie, she takes off her gloves. She reaches out and touches his cheek. He looks startled for a moment but doesn't flinch away. His skin is still warm despite the cold temperatures. She runs her hand over his jaw, feeling his facial hair tickling against her palm. She never thought she would be able to do this again.

Annie barks and he turns away from her hand to look at what his dog was barking at now. Rogue misses the sensation of his skin already.

"Have you told him?"

She looks down at her bare hands. "No."

He's silent for a moment. "Did you guys set a date?"

She twists the ring on her finger. "In a couple weeks."

He nods again and looks away. "You should go back."

She looks at him sharply, not believing what he just said. "What?"

"Go back, Rogue. Bobby loves you... You should go back."

"Why are you saying this?" She feels her lips trembling.

"I'm not...I'm not the nicest guy. I've done things..."

"You mean like breaking and entering, underage drinking, pick pocketing," she says, laughing weakly.

"Not just those things... There were other stuff...that I'm not particularly proud of."

"It doesn't matter..."

"It matters."

She wants to tell him again that it doesn't matter. She wants to tell him that she missed him all those months, that she literally tore the entire mansion upside down looking for him that night and didn't stop searching for him until someone finally sat her down and told her that he was gone, that she stole all the shirts he left behind, that she was wearing one of those shirts under her coat and sweater right now, that she didn't really want to marry Bobby because she wasn't never really in love with him in the first place.

But she doesn't. She looks at him and sees a look on his face that she can even begin to interpret.

"They're probably looking for you," he says.

"Yeah."

"I really do have to go now. I was suppose to be back over an hour ago."

"Okay."

She watches as he whistles for Annie. She trots over to him and waits patiently as he hooks the leash back onto her collar.

"So I guess this is it then."

"I guess." She puts her gloves back on. She feels Annie lean against her leg. She smiles, scratching her head.

He clears his throat and she looks back up at him. "Sorry...I -- "

"Have to go," she finishes. She stares, wanting to memorize everything and anything about him.

He drops the leash, closing the gap between them and pulling her toward him. He holds her and she feels his lips touch her forehead. He tells her, "I know Bobby will treat you right. He's good for you. He's a good guy. Better than I could hope to be. He'll make you happy."

She clutches his lapels, pulling him closer to her.

He takes her face between his hands and looks at her in the eye. "Whatever we had, it won't be the same as what you and Bobby have right now. He's a good guy," he repeats again. "I just want you to be happy."

He holds her a second more and gently pries her hands from him. He picks up the leash again and walks away, Annie trailing behind him.

If he looks back, I'll go to him and tell him I want to stay, she thinks. If he glances back, I'll stay. Come on, John, look back. Look back.

"Rogue! There you are. We've been looking all over for you!" Jubilee says, running over to her. "Are you okay?"

Rogue turns away from John's fading figure and just smiles sadly at her friend.

She never sees the moment when he looks back.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

She's sitting in her hotel room, looking out the window. She has been watching people in the public garden across the street all day. Everyone looks so happy and carefree -- holding hands, laughing, one man was even serenading his girlfriend, gathering a crowd. People clap when he finishes and he takes a dramatic bow.

Someone knocks on her door. "Rogue?"

She doesn't even bother to answer.

Logan tries the door and finds it unlocked. He opens it and peeks his head in. "Rogue? Are you even going to get ready?"

She is still sitting by the window in the clothes that she slept in -- a green nightgown with a faded long-sleeve black shirt over it. She's suppose to be getting dressed for a dinner with Bobby's family.

When they had come back from Alaska, Bobby had told her about all the plans he made while they were gone. He told her that they would have to get married in Boston, saying something about an uncle who refuses to step foot in New York. He told her that he had already booked the reception at the Four Seasons and with that came a hotel suite, which he graciously gave to her for her wedding preparations, saying that he booked another room for himself. She half-listened as he rambled on about the cake, the music, the menu, the decorations... It was all set.

"What's the matter?"

She doesn't answer.

"Are you going to sulk in here all day?"

Silence.

"You know there's a bunch of people waiting downstairs, right?"

Silence.

Logan sighs heavily. She listens as he walks into the room, the bed groans under his weight as he sits down. He mutters to himself, "So much for closure."

Her head whips around to him. "What did you just say?"

"I said, so much for closure," he says loudly. He waits for her eventual emotional outburst.

She speechless for a moment, just staring at him. "You...you knew. You were the one who found him... That's why you insisted on stopping there, wasn't it?"

He sighs again.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me, Logan? You knew that I wanted to talk to him! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because he didn't want to be found, okay? And he made me promise him that I wouldn't tell you."

"I thought you were my friend! You should have told me!!"

"I am your friend!"

"You never cared, did you?"

"I do care about you, Rogue! But I know what he was going through!"

"What _he_ was going through?" she says, incredulously.

"Yes, Rogue! I know what it feels like to be rejected! I know that feeling! It feels like somebody beat the crap out of you and then ripped your insides out! It fucking hurts! And I know that's what he was going through!" He is panting hard as he finishes, almost like he had just ran a marathon. He has his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

She looks at him, not knowing what to say. She's never seen him this way before, so vulnerable.

She walks toward him and puts a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." She sits next to him on the bed, as he continues. "I wanted to tell you but... I promised him and...I was never sure what your intentions were. One minute I think you _do_ want to get married to Bobby, another minute I...I didn't know what to think. I'm pretty good at figuring some things out but, Rogue, I'm not a mind reader. You were like a goddamn enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a riddle."

She laughs sadly. "You weren't the only one confused..."

She watches as he picks at the sheets, tearing at a loose thread.

"How did you find him...that night?"

"Wasn't that hard. Just followed my nose." He pauses for a moment. "And it helped that he stank of you."

She blushes. "You knew...what happened?"

"Kid, when I found my beer gone, my bedstand messed with, and my room smelling of you and him, I had a vague notion what happened. Let me guess: you and him by the lake, you guys got a little carried away, and then things got hot and heavy after that...am I right?"

"How do you know about the lake?" she asks, still blushing furiously, desperate for a subject change.

"Did you really think that nobody would realize who was making those fire displays at night? And don't say that he could have been out there alone because he only does that stuff to show off to you."

She just frowns at him. He laughs.

"Why did you send him Alaska?"

"I wasn't even sure he would go. I thought he would just take the money and run, frankly. Maybe go to Vegas or Mexico or at least someplace warm. The last thing I expected was for him to actually take my advice."

"Then how did you know he would be there?"

"The address I gave him was for an old friend of mine. Dora Tomlin. She and her husband own the bar in that town. I guess when he arrived at their doorstep, he mentioned my name. She called me to make sure he wasn't lying to her. She's been calling me every month or so, telling me what he's been up to. Look, I'm sorry about not telling you but I did promise him. And I keep my promises, kid, no matter what."

"Then why did we stop there? You said..."

"I didn't break my promise. I never really told you anything, did I?" He pauses. "I only insisted because you looked so damn miserable those last couple of days before we left. I thought maybe you would see him, see that he was doing okay, and you would be able to move on."

"It only made things worse..."

He pauses again before saying, "Let me ask you something: why haven't you told Bobby?"

"Are you crazy? I don't want to hurt him!"

"I'm not talking about _that_, you little moron, I'm talking about your mutation. About your control."

She falls silent.

"I'm thinking you never told him because he would think you did it for him. That you spent all that time so you could touch him."

"I do want to touch!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard all that crap. You want to touch people without hurting them but tell me, who else have you told besides me and, obviously, the Professor?"

She falls silent again, not wanting to admit to anything.

"I would think you would want people to know that they don't have to be careful around you anymore. That they won't have to flinch away if you accidentally brushed against them. That they won't have to move away from you when you sit next to them." He ends quietly, "Like Bobby always does."

She turns away from him, a hurt look on her face.

"Don't think I didn't notice _those_ things. I'm sure he doesn't mean to do them but it's there."

"I wish...I wish he didn't..."

He puts an arm around her and holds her as the tears fall from her eyes.

"Why are you marrying him?"

"He...he asked me..."

He snorts loudly. "What kind of answer is that?"

"He asked me in front of everybody. In the dining hall. I couldn't say no."

"Then why haven't you said anything to him after that?"

"I...I don't know. After John...after he left...it felt like I was losing everything. I kept messing things up and I felt like I would end up with nothing. And Bobby...Bobby, he was so good to me... He seemed to have changed... And I needed something to hold onto."

He doesn't say anything more. He understands her reasons -- incredibly stupid and insane as they are, he can understand.

She straightens and his arm falls from her shoulders. He watches as she wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Girls flirt with the dangerous guy, they don't bring him home..."

"What is that suppose mean?"

"Nothing... It's just something someone told me one time." He gets up from the bed and heads toward the door. "You should get ready. Everybody's probably wondering where you are."

He leaves her sitting on the bed alone, trying to figure out what he meant.

She thinks back to all the times she spent with Bobby and John.

Bobby buying her ice cream. John creating fire shapes in his hand for her. Bobby helping her with her homework. John laughing at her lame knock-knock jokes. Bobby smiling at her from across the table. John sneaking her an extra dessert.

But then she remembers too the times when she could see the fear in Bobby's eyes. He would try to hide it but she could still sense it.

_He_ was never like that. _He_ was never afraid.

Was that why he was the one she told about her sessions with the Professor? Because he was never afraid she might hurt him, control or no control?

She lies back on the bed, taking one of the pillows out from under the sheets and curling herself around it. She grasps the collar of her shirt, bringing it over her nose, and inhales deeply. She smiles. It still smelled of him.

She lets herself enjoy the smell, remembering what he felt like under her hands and how his hands felt on her. She knew what she had to do now. Everything was suddenly so clear. After months of confusion and things not said, she knew what her choice would be.

She rolls off the bed and as she grabs the duffle bag from the closet, she thinks back to Logan's parting words to her.

_Girls flirt with the dangerous guy, they don't bring him home..._

"Not this time," she says to herself.

--

She can still see the resignation on his face. It was almost like he knew this moment had been coming.

She hated that she had waited all this time -- four days before the wedding! -- to tell him. But she only guesses it's better than leaving him at the altar. She still feels horrible about hurting him like she did but, on the other hand, she knows that they would have never been happy together. Not when they both weren't fully into the relationship anyways.

"Next, please!"

She steps forward to the counter, producing her credit card and license.

"How can I help you?" the woman asks with a polite smile on her face.

"I need the first flight out to Anchorage."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The snow is half melted as he watches his dog frolic through some trees. Annie finds the one dry spot on the grass and proceeds to lay on her back with all four legs up in the air. She starts scratching her back against the grass, pure bliss written all over her face.

He'll never understand dogs.

"Annie!" She raises herself from her prone position and trots over to him. She watches as John digs around in his pockets. She starts to pant, her tail wagging uncontrollably, she knows what he's looking for. "Go get it!"

She follows with her eyes as the yellow ball sails through the air and bounces a few feet away. She runs after it, barking madly.

John watches as Annie picks up the ball with her mouth and starts to run back to him.

"Hey."

He turns and sees Dora standing next to him. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"The whole stealthy walk thing. Didn't even hear you coming."

She laughs. "Learned from the best, kid. Speaking of which, I called him a couple of nights ago."

"So? What did he have to say for himself?"

"If you were looking for an apology from him, you'll probably have to wait till hell freezes over."

He doesn't have a response for that, he guesses he should have known better than to expect the great and mighty Wolverine to say he's sorry for blabbing his secret to the one person he didn't want to know.

Seeing her again only brought back memories -- memories he thought he'd gotten over. Now all that he's left with is the same dull ache he had when he left the school all those months ago. Or maybe that ache never went away, he's just been ignoring it as best he could.

But he can't dwell on that anymore, she's going to be someone else's wife and Annie's waiting for him to throw the ball again.

"He told me he won't be at the number he gave me for a while. Said something about going to Boston."

She watches for his reaction but all he does is pick up the ball and throw it as far as possible.

"You okay?"

"Yeah... I'm fine. Knew it was going to happen, you know? Told her to go back and everything."

She just gives him a pat on the shoulder and smiles. "You come around later, all right? We're having chicken. And I need somebody else to talk to or George will regale me with baseball stories again."

He laughs and says, "I'll be there."

She gives his shoulder a squeeze and leaves as quietly as she came.

Annie comes back and drops the ball at his feet. He throws it again, wondering if she was now officially Mrs. Robert Drake. They're probably getting married at that church in Boston that Bobby never shut up about -- he always went on and on about how he was going to have a big fancy ceremony there. He probably asked Peter to be his best man. And she probably asked Jubilee to be maid of honor. He wonders briefly how uncomfortable Logan would be in a tuxedo and how drunk Kitty could get at the wedding. She could never hold her liquor and she loved to dance when she was -- lots of flailing arms too that inevitably hit someone in the eye.

Annie barks at him, pawing at his leg. He crouches down and taking her head in his hands, lightly scratching behind her ears.

"I think we need to get you a new ball, what do you think? You chewed through this one pretty badly."

She barks again but this time not at him, something behind him. He turns slightly and thinks for a moment he must be going crazy.

"I think you need to get her a new ball and maybe some treats too," she says with a smile.

Her smile falters as he continues to stare at her, not saying a word. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, hoping that he'll say something soon.

He straightens, still staring at her. "Where's Bobby?"

That's the last thing she expected him to say to her. Where's Bobby? What the hell? Why isn't he glad to see her?

"He's probably still in Boston."

"Then what are you doing here?"

He sounded angry. Why was he angry? She thought he would be happy to see her. Did she just make the biggest mistake of her life? Why was he angry?

"I...I wanted to..." she starts to stutter.

"What? You wanted to what? God, what the hell are you doing here?"

_He's definitely angry_, she thinks. And that makes her angry. She didn't spend 500 on a one-way airline ticket, spend an eight-hour layover in Seattle, ate two lousy cheese sandwiches (or at least, she hoped it was cheese), and left behind a hotel full of disgruntled wedding guests behind just for him to get angry at her.

"What am I doing here? I came here for you, asshole!"

"Came here for me? What? So you can tell me all about how lovely the ceremony was? Why don't you spare me the details, okay?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Did you really think that I would fly all the way here just to tell you about a fucking wedding ceremony? We didn't get married, jackass!"

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because I'm love in with you, you idiot! That's why!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, that's just great!"

"Why's that?"

"Because I think I'm still love with you!"

"Well, good! You damn well should be!"

"Fine!"

"I think you should kiss me now!"

"Right!"

But before he can even make any kind of move, she grabs his jacket and pulls him toward her.

"You were moving too slow," she murmurs against his lips. He smiles and deepens the kiss, sliding his arms around her.

They only part when breathing becomes an issue but he still holds her and she still clings to him, her arms around his waist, molding her body against his. She nuzzles her face against his neck and breathes in his wonderful scent.

"You just left?"

"Kind of."

"Did you at least talk to him before leaving?"

"Sort of."

He chuckles lightly. "You gonna answer me with more than just 'kind of' and 'sort of'?"

"Maybe," she grins.

"Rogue..."

"Marie."

"What?"

"My name... It's Marie."

"Marie." He likes the sound of that. It suits her. "So, Marie...are you gonna give me a straight answer?"

"Nothing much to tell." She snuggles deeper into his arms. "I just told him I couldn't marry him."

"And?"

"And...he said that he knew."

"That's all he said?"

"He said that he always knew but he hoped that..." She takes breath, distracted when he shifts his weight and, whether intentionally or unintentionally, rubs against her in just the right way.

_How does he do that to me?_ she thinks, clutching a handful of his jacket, pressing herself into him.

She sighs and realizes that this is where she always wanted to be. This is home. This is her home.

"Marie?"

"Hmm?"

He looks down to see her with her eyes closed, a smile of content on her face.

_It doesn't matter. She's here with me now and I'm not letting her go again._

He places a kiss on her forehead and holds her closer.

Annie is sitting quietly to the side, cocking her head at them as if she was trying to analyze the situation.

She'll never understand humans.

--

Logan smiles, folding the letter and slipping it back into the envelope it came in. He takes another drag from his cigar, looking at the return address again.

It was the third letter from her in the past week.

He pulls out the pictures she sent along with this letter.

His smile widens as he flips through them. He likes the one of them sitting together on a park bench, his arm carelessly draped across her shoulders. They're laughing as a German shepherd stands on its hind legs, doing some kind of weird doggie-dance in front of them.

He'll have to remember to buy some frames.

He puts the pictures back in the envelope and thinks to himself, _The dangerous guy can be the good guy – it was about time someone realized it._

--

THE END.


End file.
